From Behind a Broken Smile
by Spaz913
Summary: SHENNY. Post Season 5 finale. Shane reflects on her actions of the past few episodes and how Jenny's been affected by them. How will they work to mend their broken friendship, if at all? Could this be just what their relationship needed all along?
1. You've Broken My Heart

**Disclaimer:** All characters present in this fanfiction are under the copyright of Showtime and no infringement of these copyright laws was intended by this work of fanfiction. No profit was made, except for my sheer enjoyment of Shenny.

**Notes:**

**MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR SPOILER WARNING! POST SEASON 5 FINALE!**

Okay, got it? We clear? Spoilers be here. Do not read if you don't like spoilers (or Shenny.)

I had to write this after seeing the season 5 finale because to my dis-satisfaction, I could not find any other Shenny fanfiction (or at least not the copious amount I'm used to finding with my other OTPs, like in Xena.) So, I decided to sit down and write my own. The first chapter is just dealing with Shane's thoughts in the aftermath of the finale, so no Shenny just yet. It will be coming up in later chapters though, so stay posted. Anyway, I hope my first attempt at TLW fanfiction is decent enough to credit a review. Enjoy!

**.x.x.x.**

**Chapter One:**

"You've broken my heart."

**.x.x.x.**

It had been hours since the cast party ended--hours since the "ultimate betrayal," but Jenny was still lingering somewhere out in the heavy darkness of night, undoubtedly looming on the sharp edge between sanity and defeat. Shane sat on the couch facing the door, waiting with a shivering hope that Jenny would come home. Some sick excuse for a best friend she was now. What was she thinking? Every breath she took was shallow. Every thought she had was consumed, and smothered out like a flame without heat. The words she wanted to say...

Empty, and shallow.

That embodied her drive these past few days: Molly, empty words; Nikki, shallow actions; Jenny...

_ "...You've broken my heart."_

Yeah, there it was again.

_"You've broken my heart..."_

Goddamnit, make it stop!

_ "You've broken my heart!"_

"Fuck! Jen! Stop! Just stop already!" Shane's hands clutched the sides of her head at her temples and her body shook with dry, bottled sobs. "I know, Jen, I know." How long had it been since she had screwed up a friendship so badly? Never, she said she would never do this to her friends, especially not Jenny. When it came to her friends, she was loyal to a fault. And this kind of guilt--this absolute remorse--for having sex--was more than foreign; it made her _sick_. Cheating on people, was different, because, as she had told Alice earlier that day: people deserved to be happy, and monogamy was not something that made her happy. But this, this went beyond happiness. She didn't fuck Nikki for happiness; she fucked Nikki to forget.

"Shane?" came a familiar drawl from behind her.

Shane jumped, reality hitting her in head like a icy cold dream. "Jesus, Bette," she said, standing to see her. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry. The back door was open." Bette smiled gently through the darkness. "No sign of Jenny yet?" she asked, quietly moving to sit on the couch next to Shane. The atmosphere reminded her of a time when she too had like this: so self-loathing that she found a demented sort of comfort in the loneliness she forced herself into.

Shane shook her head and plopped back down on the sofa with a sigh, holding her head in her hands. "No. Her phone goes to voicemail. Nikki hasn't seen her either."

So, she'd talked to Nikki... that was strange, and desperate, she silently noted to herself. She laid a soothing hand on her friend's back. "She'll be okay. She always is." Despite her curiosities as to what all had happened between the three of them, Shane, Jenny, and Nikki, she suppressed the urge to ask. It must've had something to do with Molly. Shane wouldn't have done something so careless otherwise, would she?

"Bette, I'm her friend--I'm supposed to be her _best_ friend."

Bette wrapped a comforting arm around Shane's shoulders, but was indirectly rejected, when a restless Shane stood up and walked away. In her eyes, she was undeserving of any comfort... and she didn't want it from Bette. Not after what Phyllis said.

"Shane, you could use a friend right now. What's wrong?"

Phyllis' words played out in her head.

_ "Bette says your not the kind of person any caring mother would want her daughter to have a relationship with."_

_ "I don't buy it. Bette would never say it."_

_ "She says you'll be up and after the first little hottie who shakes her booty at you."_

To think, of all of the times she was the _only_ person there for Bette, no matter what happened, no matter what she did. This was how her loyal efforts had been rewarded, with badmouthing. Sure, she had gone out and proved Bette right, betraying her best friend for a quick escape, but isn't that what Bette did with Candice? And wasn't that worse? The hypocrisy hit her like a brick to her back. "I fucked over the only real friend I ever had."

Jenny was the only one of her friends that didn't judge her; she accepted her. Jenny didn't try to change her. Jenny didn't pry into her life. Jenny didn't ask her to be something she wasn't. But everyone else did.

That's why she related to Nikki.

_ "All of those people always looking at me all the time, expecting me to start performing like some trained monkey. I'm just so tired--ya know, of..."_

_ "What are you tired of?"_

_ "Everybody wanting me to be who they want me to be."_

Because in that moment, they were one in the same.

_ Shane. Shane. Shane. _

_ Be mine, Shane. Be my lover, Shane. Be my life, Shane. Show me, Shane. _

_ Fuck me, Shane._

She was so tired of that. So tired of being the sexual deviant everyone loved and wanted to be--So tired of being that sex fiend that everyone scorned for being so... Uneducated. Untamed. Unattainable. Even Bette! Even Alice!

Empty, and shallow.

"Shane, I'm your friend," Bette said, and somewhere in the distance of Shane's mind, she heard her, and somewhere else in Shane's mind, she was compelled to believe her.

Shane wanted to turn around and refute her, wanted to argue, wanted to vent--but it was useless. Not even now, when she was so emotionally entangled in this web of controversies and betrayals, could she open up enough to put Bette in her place. Because, at the forefront of Shane's mind, she felt stupid for being so hurt by Phyllis' words in the first place.

People had said worse.

So she remained quiet, swallowed her feelings, and dismissed her trivial emotions. "No, I know, Bette, I know. Just..." She paused and sighed, sitting back down on the couch. "Maybe I just need to be alone right now."

Bette nodded and moved her arm away from her friend, trying to avoid making the same mistake twice. "It's late. You should get some sleep." When Shane shook her head side-to-side, she continued, "staying up and wearing yourself out worrying about her isn't going to make Jenny come home any faster."

Shane remained quiet and still, staring distantly past their living room, hoping that every vague noise in the night was actually her roommate stumbling in--unharmed, and possibly, in the mood to forgive.

Bette took the silence as her hint to retire. She wished that there was some way she could reach her--some way she could shake the silence out of her. "I'll come check in on you before I leave for work in the morning." The elder woman forced a smile as she stood. "Maybe Ti will bring you some breakfast?"

Shane barely managed a nod. "Sure."

"Okay..." Bette hesitated, then moved for the front door, turning on the porch light as she stepped into the entrance. "Try to get some sleep." She forced another smile at her friend and turned to leave, but before she could close the door behind her, she heard Shane's voice call after her in the most achingly horse way,

"Bette..."

Bette paused in the doorway and turned her head back toward her young neighbor, catching her eyes with an equally pleading gaze.

"Thanks."

**.x.x.x.**

To be continued...

**"You're not scary."**

**.x.x.x.**


	2. You're Not Scary

**Chapter Two**

_"You're not scary."_

***

Shane walked a tightrope in high heels and bell-bottom pants.

Who was she?

_Clueless. _

Why was she here?

_Confused. _

What was she doing?

_Numb._

Hazy, looking through these eyes. The people below, clouds like puffs of perfume fresh from the spray. _SCATTER._

Shane walked through a long hallway, naked from the neck-up, but that was enough. _STARE._

Her insides churned, her words limp in her throat, vacant, like a hollow mouse. Silence beckoned her ears to flutter, and her eyes to wave at the passing delights, all agape. An eagerness surged within them, a glint beneath their eyelids, twinkling at their target. Waiting to strike the monster, waiting to conquer the beast, waiting to silence the laughter, waiting... for defeat. _SMILE._

Shane knew what they wanted. She ignighted their need. She fanned their desire. She tempted their sanity. She ate their hesitations in a word. They wanted her to. They wanted to lose. They wanted to give in. They desired the harsh release only she could bring them.

Shane walked into a store. It was dark. She hungered for an escape. Scared, the wenches hid.

"Spare one," the shop-owner pled. "Just this one..." she murmured from behind a mask of red, silver, and blue. A blinding white spotlight suddenly lit the center of the store, revealing the cracks in the floorboards and the mess atop them. Then, a pale girl appeared from the light in the center of the room, a dribble of blood streaming down her cheek. "Please, she's already dead!"

Wandering eyes cannot recognize the glory that is directly before them.

Shane heard the cackling sounds of fear mixed with giggles like a symphony around her. Noisy wenches. All but this one. All but this one "dead" girl.

Wandering thoughts cannot focus into motive.

Shane approached the "dead" girl in the center of the room, inspecting her under the white light. Her skin was aglow, and her hair was knotted, and hung from her head like an old curtain.

Wandering fingers cannot grasp their destiny.

Shane reached out her hand, and the shop-keeper gasped. Shane's finger trailed down the "dead" girl's cheek, coating the tip of her finger in blood. From it's feel, it was fake. The girl did not flinch.

"Why do you stay?" Shane asked, her voice raspy from its silence. "Aren't you afraid?"

The girl stared at Shane, her blank stare suddenly filling with color. Her eyes met Shane's as she took her hand, interlacing their fingers.

"You're not scary."

_JENNY_.

***


End file.
